To own, or not to own?

I want to be untenanted. I want to be able to experience the absence of thoughts. I want to experience sitting and having absolutely NOTHING to think about, I want this so that I can perfuse new sententia and sporadic everyday ideas. I feel like my brain wants some sort of reinvention so that I can metamorphose. Just like other musings of mine, I don't know how to quantify the moral component of this one too. Is it normal to think about this? If it is, is it right? Am I right in thinking that if my mind is unladen of all the perspectives I have right now, I would be a better me? Is it understandable logically, if I say that I want to be distant from my thoughts and still retain them? 

I do not possess the answer to any of these questions but what I do know is that I want to get rid of my opinions but still have them.

To what extent should I hold on to them? till the moment a counter thought appears or until I am convinced otherwise by worldly entities and conventions. Honestly, I change my words, I want to own my thoughts. I just aspire to get rid of the intrusive tendencies that come and counter all my virgin, ingenue thoughts and demolish them into something that is more 'vanilla' for folks around.

By 'owning' my thoughts, I don't mean being stubborn even when a cogent alternative is present, I mean being able to decide what is cogent without worldly factors and coercion. The ability to pick and choose opinions and construct mine, myself. 

If I am honest, sometimes it is gruelling to actually classify ruminations on the basis of ownership and origin. How do I know if the idea I just had is truly 'mine' or just a sum of 10 articles I read yesterday which were allegedly 'biased' in nature? This dilemma is perpetual, and so are our concatenations of thought. 

Oh wait, did I write opinions that were mine? or just things that others thought?

I realise that all of this is exorbitantly convoluted to follow but aren't our minds and pondering sessions too?

All we can do is, possess the courage to manage the weight of 'not-so-vanilla' opinions and let black currant remain as is until, not the customer, but the currant tub itself wants raisins or red wine in it.

petite writeups #2

a confused damsel(always in distress)

Navyaa.